Thoughts at 3.30am in the morning…

It’s been a while since I’ve jotted down my thought in this little (public) diary of mine. I guess, social media has really taken a toll to my blogging habits. Anyway…

It’s been over two year since I’ve really been a real relationship. I don’t deny that in between I’ve dated and gotten attached briefly, but… they were just not meant to be. The problem is not them, it’s probably me (okay, them too, can’t really say that idiot Vern of mine was exactly the best boyfriend material, still…), I’m not sure what I really wanted? I don’t know.

This is what I do know, I think… (it’s all over the place, so bear with me here).

I like someone smarter than I am (a little of a sweeping statement) but doesn’t think that I’m too dumb. Someone that’s willing to elaborate things to me, teach me, or learn/grow together with me. I like someone that would accept me for who I am, because I’m a completely contradiction from time to time, and I change all the time, but that’s who I am.

I dislike overly being depended on. It drains me out quickly. Then I’d start reevaluating my “feelings” towards the person and… I hide. Oh this has happened oh-so-often.

I think I’m damn smart, but I know I’m not. Hahaha. Contradicting but it’s exactly how it is. Thinking I’m smart empowers me with some level of confidence, while knowing I’m not grounds me. It’s some form of arrogance, possibly.

Anyway, after the long debate some nights ago, and after seeking various individual’s opinions, I concluded there are some variables I need to include into my checklist for future references.

I might reduce the amount of need for “passionate emotions” at the beginning and evaluate more on long term compatibility ratios.

Nonetheless, due to some form of my arrogance. The geek requirement cannot be eliminated. Someone extremely fashionable verses someone super techie, I’m gonna be a lot more impressed with the techie. So how? Change the way my head is wired? Let’s not forget, I love fashion, I just love it less.

(Geek vs nerd is still quite different. Let’s not look at this in extremes. I’m still relatively superficial, though some might debate that that itself is questionable.)

Wahahahaa. Oh god, what has this become.